Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
