I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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