Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
