You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
