i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
