shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
All I want is dick and wine.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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