The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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