I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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