He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
