awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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