I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
