After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
