you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize