Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
