we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize