I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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