Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
