I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
