after a month anything with tits is on the radar
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
