it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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