Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
