Betty ford says i'm here all night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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