Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
