farters have to be the big spoon...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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