In America we eat man semen.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
im on a boat
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