he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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