Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
