if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I want her autograph on my taint
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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