Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize