An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
