That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
