Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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