Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
