I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize