the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am one with the molecules
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
