So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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