If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is Oprah even human
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
