She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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