I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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