So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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