this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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