All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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