capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
