you would pick up someone in the library
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize