For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
