my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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