just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
