thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
