I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
