So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
