By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
