My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
