apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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