Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
