After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
