Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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