O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
