I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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