Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
