With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
