if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
