Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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