I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
