what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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