no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
