WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
