i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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