Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
