do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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