k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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