Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
